There’s a charge back and forth commonly used in the Eucharist that goes as follows:
Clergy: Let us give thanks to the Lord our God Congregation: It is right to give Him thanks and praise Clergy: It is right, and a good and joyful thing, always and everywhere, to give thanks to you, Father Almighty, creator of heaven and earth.
“Always and everywhere” definitionally includes Sundays like these, the first in a too-long-to-recount stretch where stadiums sit silent. It calls on us to survive, remain steadfast, and look forward, even when the road is long.
But therein lies another problem. We are 32 weeks away from the first Sunday of the 2026 season. A lifetime.
So let us shine a collective light into this long, unceasing tunnel. I, the King of the Outbackers, by way of my absolute runaway victory and all-time high win total, carry a distinctly heavy head on account of my crown. The burden to chose the 2026 host city is mine, and mine alone. Thirty-two cities have officially submitted their proposals, and I am carefully considering each.
To give myself adequate time to overthink this decision, I am implementing a staged roll-out to announce my decree.
With 32 weeks remaining until the kickoff, each Sunday, starting today, I will announce a potential 2026 OBB host city that has officially been eliminated from contention. The winning and most deserved city will be announced just prior to the season’s kickoff. The festivities will then begin, and the weekend will be, as always, glorious.
Please extend the city of Houston your warmest congratulations for being the first city eliminated from 2026 host contention. I apologize to those of you wishing to see Joel Osteen, but after due consideration, the committee found little, if anything, redeeming in the city’s pitch.